5 Excellent Tips to Move on A Healthy Relationship

May 12, 2022 854

1. Get to the bottom of the relationship

Why are you bringing up the past, either of you? What are you hoping to get from it that you can't seem to figure out? Have you yet to forgive and make peace with a previous wrongdoing? Do you ever feel unheard when you have a pressing need that you believe is not being met? If you're going to fix this problem, you'll need to understand the underlying concerns. It appears to be rather simple, but if it were, we wouldn't be discussing it. If you're having trouble with this, professional support is always accessible and may help you become more aware of the issues and their causes. You can solve the issue after you understand the true cause for the past's influence on the present.

2. Control your emotional reactivity

It's not simple to keep focused on the task at hand and avoid repeating past mistakes, but it's a worthwhile undertaking. It's possible that you'll need to work on your emotional reactivity independently. It's difficult to solve a problem while your arousal level is high.

It is possible to trigger the "fight or flight" response. Although beneficial to survival, it is not necessarily beneficial to relationships because it is not a "one against the other" situation. Instead of battling each other, you should concentrate on addressing the problem.

As a result, learning to regulate your emotions in order to better manage the debate is one of the most important aspects of a successful dispute resolution free of the past.

3. Don't try to figure out which version of the past is "right."

Here's the thing: you'll remember the past based on how you're feeling right now. That is how our brains work, and they are impacted by a variety of biases. That's why you could recall the "identical" scenario in a different way. You should avoid attempting to establish who is correct or incorrect since you may recollect it in a unique way.

The only circumstance in which you both win is one in which you both refuse to be the winner of who possesses the genuine version.

In any instance, the current issue should be the primary emphasis. The more attention you pay to the current problem, the more likely it is to be resolved.

4. Agree on a reasonable amount of time to talk about the past.

If it seems hard to cease bringing the past into the present, at the very least agree to keep it out of arguments for the time being. It merely adds to the conflagration and diverts attention away from finding a solution.

Act ahead of time to establish a consensus on which issues are permitted to be discussed during debates. You may do this by agreeing to keep each other accountable for this agreement. This might be the solution to your "what to say when someone brings up your history" dilemma.

5. Validate resurfaced feelings

Although what is being brought up may appear "insignificant" at first look, the fact that anything repeats itself testifies to its relevance (like a comment over dirty dishes or house chores). Always remember that everything we do (or don't do) is linked to some underlying values that we cherish, such as being acknowledged, recognised, loved, and accepted.

As a result, even if you choose not to discuss the occurrence, you may affirm how the individual feels about it. Recognize that they are angry, wounded, disturbed, or sad.

When both parties feel recognised, solving conflicts becomes a lot simpler. Add in the fact that one of the most important factors in a good and lasting marriage is the ability to resolve disagreements constructively. Give yourself a break.

Conclusion

If you find it difficult to let go of the past and find yourself revisiting it frequently, it's critical that you take the time to figure out why. Maybe you don't know how to forgive or trust your mate. Are you punishing them or attempting to atone for your present transgressions by comparing them to theirs?

Whatever the situation may be, if you want to have a good and long-lasting relationship, you must address the core problems.

Bringing up the past can also cause a lot of pain, but it won't address the situation. Talk to your partner about it and attempt to resolve it. If it persists, you may always seek the advice of a counsellor to help you cope with it more effectively.

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